Since the news broke about Harvey Weinstein, social media has been flooded with #MeToo responses from women who have been silent for years about their own experiences with sexual harassment. Twitter and Facebook have provided a safe platform for women to declare their anger and often shame. Millions of women are coming out of the shadows to stand strong with each other against the men in their lives who took advantage of them.
Whether in media, movies, music, politics, academia, or business, women have been subjected to sexual harassment and abuse for decades. As women share more about their experiences, we see a pattern. The pattern that emerges is of powerful men abusing their power and taking advantage, though not always physically, of women who are less powerful, or at least feel powerless in the situation.
How do women deal with men in positions of power and authority? This is an ongoing issue for women in the workplace today as men still own and manage the majority of businesses and have a dominant presence in government. They have power. Women, seeking to get ahead, need to tread carefully to build relationships with these men who have influence over the career trajectory.
Many of my clients who work in male dominated industries share with me how they are intimidated by a room full of powerful men; how they feel at a disadvantage when trying to get male sponsorship, and how they are keenly aware of the delicate balance of asserting themselves yet protecting the male ego.
The #MeToo response from women sheds new light on the issue of women’s relationship to power; not only their relationship to powerful men, but their relationship to their own power. Many of the women who are speaking up now have lived with these memories for years and only now, with the support of other women and the media, do they feel safe enough to proclaim their #MeToo response.
I reached out to Gloria Feldt, co-founder and president of Take the Lead, and author of No Excuses, 9 Ways Women Can Change How We Think About Power to shed some light on this topic.
Bonnie Marcus:What does the #MeToo response say about women’s relationship to power?
Feldt: The #MeToo phenomenon illustrates the power of what I call #SisterCourage. There is power in knowing you are not alone. Power in finding one’s voice and using it with others who are like minded. That gives women the courage to speak about what was previously unspoken. But saying or tweeting #MeToo is not a long term solution. It’s just the beginning of an opportunity for a woman to learn to embrace the power she feels when she says #MeToo. Then she has to use her power to change the culture. We aren’t there yet but we are making progress.
Marcus: Why are women so intimidated by powerful men and how can they change that?
Feldt: These are deeply rooted culturally learned biases. Some women get co-opted and feel more secure under the wing of powerful men as a result. The daddy syndrome. I think it gets better with each generation, and younger women are far less intimidated. That’s why so many young women are now speaking out. Anita Hill gave us a name for sexual harassment, and today young women know they don’t have to put up with it. That’s why the Bill O’Reillys and Roger Ailes and Bill Cosbys and Harvey Weinsteins of the world are getting their just desserts now, and why so many other men are quaking in their boots.
Marcus: What does it say about their relationship to their own power?
Feldt: It says that women are still acculturated to see the locus of power outside of themselves. To think first about what others think of them, and to define power as the old oppressive "power over" them. That creates a lower level of intentionality: a lower level of thinking they are entitled to autonomy over their lives and bodies. I work with women to redefine power as an expansive and innovative power TO. Such a simple tweak but it changes everything and enables women to embrace power in a positive way.
Marcus: How can women who work in male dominated companies own their power and position themselves effectively for leadership?
Feldt: What they can’t do and be successful is to behave like men. That puts a mask on women and makes them inauthentic. Ultimately being inauthentic is ineffective. You get found out when you sing a song that is not your own, as the saying goes. Plus being inauthentic often literally makes you sick, unhappy in your job, or depressed. Both women and men need to be gender bilingual—in fact I have created a workshop to help them communicate successfully across genders and cultures. In male dominated companies, it’s especially important for women to learn these skills so that they can start to change the culture. You can’t change it by confrontation; you must be able to appeal to other people’s humanity by respecting them enough to speak their language and use that human connection to help them understand yours.
In addition, it is incredibly important for women to build their support networks. Again, use #SisterCourage. Be a sister. Ask for help when you need it from other women and give your help generously. Find those with whom you share values and agree to support one another in meetings and other work—males as well as females. Have the courage to initiate conversations that matter even if they are uncomfortable. Know your value and claim it. You will be respected and that is the first step in gaining leadership roles.
If you found this article valuable, please follow me on Twitter and check out my website and book, The Politics of Promotion: How High Achieving Women Get Ahead and Stay Ahead (Wiley) for additional resources on how to advance your career.
